CafeAsiaI_Notes2

CAFÉ ASIA 2006: ABCs of Listening and Speaking from the Heart ~ An Inquiry
into the Foundations of Transformation~ 1 Mar 2006, 9 am – 5 pm, Singapore

SHARE WITH EVERYBODY: WHAT STORY OR EXPERIENCE MOST MOVED
YOU? WHY SO? WHAT KEY THEMES DO YOU SEE?
(Email your stories and thoughts to cafeasia@yahoogroups.com)

“Gems” gathered by the participants’ during the Open Space Conversations
(completely verbatim as contributed by participants):

Convener Melissa Kwee
Convener Slot A1
Convener Topic “How can adults support our young people’s
potential?”

Be (parents) role models – not hypocrisy, do (not say)
Balance structure (challenging and supporting, e.g. school grades and
learning) and non-structure (creativity)
See from their perspective
Be willing to be a fool / not be ‘a know it all’
ASK what they want, and;
LISTEN
Provide discipline
Teaching kids between right and wrong
Adapting to age
Invest Time – the parents/family, the teacher, the community, the adult
leaders, the peers (older, younger, peer leaders)
Be willing to learn from them
Humility – let them see / know that “I’m still learning too!”
Process
People
Places (space)
21st century dilemma  children are raised by sometimes untrained care-
givers, schools and grandparents
Parents don’t raise kids anymore (work, engrossed, leisure)??
Raise awareness of importance of parenting
Learn $ ≠ 
Family as building blocks of society
Tap expertise of others, e.g. parents
Having ‘contracts’ with kids – explain why e.g. working muns/dads, explaining
choices to kids

Convener Name:        Evelyn Quek
Convener Slot:        B1
Convener Title:        “How do we first learn to be responsible and honour
our own needs before helping others?”

Pay attention to our own needs e.g. listening to body, exhaustion at work
(pain), emotional pain
Log in a schedule for self (esp when always putting others first) – learn to be
protective of self needs); its ‘selfish’ not to do that – can’t give unless you are
‘full’
Take holidays – not carry forward ‘leave’
Use nurturing parent and adult ego sometimes
Recognise you are human and make mistakes
Train your support staff to respect your schedule (time)
Take time for exercise; meditation – things that one enjoy and important (get
help / coach)
Take time to develop self e.g. education, exploration, exposure to different
perspectives so that you can help develop direct reports

Convener Name:        Luck Ser
Convener Slot:        C1
Convener Title:        “What does ‘From the Heart” Mean? Why?”

Means differently to different people
To say what you really want to communicate
Speaking without fear (e.g. to avoid pain, to avoid “pai-se”/”lau-kwee”, too B-
S!!)
Sincerity / deep from your heart  passionate, care for the person
Can include ‘negative feedback’ or NOT?
Walk the Talk
Being real yourself, no reservation
Doing what’s right
Head = ‘Bottom-line’; Heart = caring / empathy E,g, Tough, empathy
Inspiring Leader
Chinese believe heart is thinking, not the brain - harvest; is not complete with
the heart
Loyalty from the centre of the heart
Centering the heart, accept others are not like U, e.g. be prepared for one-
way traffic
Courage = ‘from the heart’
Relationship to change
Comfort
E.g. WW2 = Learning comes from the heart
Courage to help others
How to do the impossible
Uncomfortable
Courage
Learning
Be willing to ask the tough ???’s
Give people a choice - comes with the heart
Something not necessarily - Not logical! - Apparently e,g, 1st response -
Impulsed

Convener        Sheila Damodaran
Convener Slot        D1
Convener Topic        “How do we let go?”

Every experience is a learning opportunity
Becoming aware of something you are ‘clinging on to’
Meditate
Let it float over you (water over a duck’s back)
Breathe
Have someone who is grounded who can help you even if you just want to
vent and let’s you vent – and each time the venting period does not get longer
Set aside timeframe for venting – it is my entitlement
I am mindful of what I am doing – my thoughts
Do not be attached / cling to
Knowing the difference between what I want and what I need (let go of things
you do not need)
Someone else may have a better idea
Live simply so others may simply live
Do not think we are indispensable
Drop the ego
Practice religion – knowing someone bigger is in control
Forget and forgive
Don’t look back
Trust that everything happens for the best and the best is yet to be
Have enough rest and exercise
If I can accept that the present is perfect
Try to make yourself empty
Be at peace
Don’t spend too much time on post-mortems
Have moderate expectations
Being irresistibly attractive
Knowing what you are willing to trade-off
Accept no one is infallible
Don’t be a perfectionist
Enjoy the moment
Say it 3x
Unconditional acceptance of oneself and others

Convener        Karen
Convener Slot        E1
Convener Topic        “How can we influence the world around us?”

Walk the talk
Avoid being influenced by what happens around you!
Candor – Being transparent, being truthful
Focus on the positive strengths of others, be diplomatic with unfailing
principles
Know the answer to what is the Power of One – collective wisdom e.g.
magnifying glass, passion 1 = ‘1’
Changing oneself to influence the world around us
Respecting people
Hold a strong loving intention in your heart, mind and heart, manifest to the
world
Part if whole connectedness, sense of emerging into the world
Don’t give up! Give up fear and being right!
Ask Qs why? Open up people’s thinking and reasons to hold up certain ideas
Resonate with what others are thinking
Be a ROLE MODEL
Surrender yourself to Grandwill Greater Will

Convener Name:        Alvin Yong
Convener Slot:        F1
Convener Title:        “No” Choice

“S-MATCH”

Job
Boss
Colleagues
“Stock”
Do it first
Make the best
Reconstruct purpose
Counselling
Managing expectations
Find new purpose
Fun+challenge+excite+romance+cool
Stop taking yourself too seriously
Find outside people

Convener        Moo Yong
Convener Slot        A2
Convener Topic        “How to ‘BE’, not ‘DO’?”

Change what we focus on
Set targets to be the “be” (e.g. be authentic)
Not having to worry about being watched (be the uninhibited self)
Just do it!
Knowing who you are, what do you want … (state of awareness;
consciousness)
Experience what you are doing in a meaningful way
About the depth of experience as well (not only the scope)
Reflect before you act
Enjoying moments of experiences – emotionally and spiritually
Finding the “rhythmn” (staying the moment) savouring the moment
Be happy (you don’t DO happy)

Convener Name:        Liana Teo
Convener Slot:        B2
Convener Title:        “How do we turn threats into opportunities for
ourselves and others?”

Question every assumption. Don’t assume it is a threat.
Threat = challenge
A mistake will never happen if you know it’s going to happen
All mistakes are understood by hindsight
Detach self from mistake  an object for discussion
Learn how to tango!
Not be defensive
Give unconditionally
Offense is the best defense
Threatened: retailiate
Accept other P.O.V.
Be objective or help people gain objectivity
Understand threat – sources of threat and why? See assumptions of threat
from internal or external conditions; always clarify
Insecurity the stem of “threat”
Encourage risk-taking attitude
Mindset change to accept mistakes as way of learning

Convener Name:        Tommy
Converner Slot:        C2
Convener Title:        “How to change the way we change?”

Be open to the unknown
Be willing to be uncomfortable
Find co-change agents
Know the rate of change
Be like the water
Learn to do hand-stand (= see the world from different angles)
Be willing to risk
Humility
Be aware of non-change even when we speak about change
Stay committed to a collaborative process
Don’t give-up!
Open mind, open heart, open will
Follow the FOOL
Live or die, change what it is necessary!
Make it a matter of life and death
Give up trying to find meaning
Change is needed when you are in a FIT
Sun Tze’s “Art of War”

Convener Name:        Tim
Converner Slot:        D2
Convener Title:        “How can we encourage a culture of more play in work
and school?”

Remove unnecessary rules
Change the environment
Allow more time and breathing space
More activity
Focus on process - not on results
Do serious work in a fun way – open space, world café
No Exams
Allow them to discuss their own process - Results
1 rule – there is no work without play, play first (before work)
Take the ‘teacher’ (authoritative) out of the CEO
As leader give them the ANSWER first, ask them to give YOU the QUESTIONs
Keep focus on the goal / outcome (strong) and let them “GO” to find their own
way
Allow the experience
Reward them first. Give an “A” – How do you now earn it?
No punishment for failure
Create a risk-free environment
Reward honesty first
Be a partner / coach rather than “The Boss/Teacher” know it all
Remove punishment / make people accountable

Convener Name: Niale
Converner Slot: E2
Convener Title: “How can we know what is right?”

Look back – stop!
Listen to your gut
Avoid known “wrong”
Speak / seek advice
Know what is “left”
Quiet Mind
Create space
Know many many wrong
“There is no right”
Open heart and mind
Ask angels
Know your self
Ask your heart
Know what you don’t want
Pray
Have rituals
Just do it
Test on small matters
Meditate
Believe
Clear benchmark / values
Use values as guide
Understand righteousness and truths
Constantly reassess and adapt to changes with reality
Know that there is no “right”
Right is what works for you (& others)
If more than one “right” choose
You don’t have to be “right”
When your actions do not hurt anyone
When actions help others grow
First, do no harm
When you feel inspired
When you are willing to own it and be transparent
Be of service
Align with shared values

Convener Name:        Chew Peng
Converner Slot:        F2
Convener Title:        “How to be an inspirational leader?”

Start the idea - can evolve
Sacrifice
Demonstrate values by resonating with people
Attracts people - The leadership – Individual – Follower – draws energy
Conviction of certain belief / values
Not effective leader – empowerment
A clear idea / compelling reason
Stories!!!
Raise expectations
Leaders who do great things –-> walk the talk
Tap into others
Not a great manager / organizer
Help them see meanings
Follow a direction – an inspiring leader come in when there is a lack of
direction / crisis
Create symbols / statues to inspire
Broad goals
Broad-based engagement – critical stakeholders
No micromanagement – normal leader
Manager focus on NOW, inspiring leaders focus on FUTURE
Good communicator / translator of strategy
Speak common language
Reveal that they are humans too

Special Guest, Chaiwat of
Thailand shares how he used
World Cafe in peaceful efforts in
the recent demand by people of
Thailand for the Government to
step down

World Cafe starts

Large Group Shareout

Open Space Technology

Paired sharings

Lighter moments

Check-out